The Most Important Element of Adoption Success

calledEven if you’ve hired the best adoption professional you can find, your home study is complete, you’ve painstakingly created a gorgeous profile, and your suitcase is packed and waiting at the door – you could STILL be overlooking this one powerful component for adoption success:

Show her that you care about her!

Here are six ways to extend yourself to a birthmother and show her that you truly appreciate her:

  1. Ask her how she is feeling today and if there’s anything you can do to help her feel more comfortable, whether physically, or emotionally. Show her that you are interested in her well being, and it’s not just “all about the baby.” Show her you see her as a unique person, not just the gateway to your soon-to-be child. Even if she doesn’t ask you to do anything for her, at least she knows you offered.
  1. Take her lead with the hospital plan. Does she want you in the delivery room? Does she seem to be more of a private person? Does she want to take photos together? How does she feel about seeing and holding the baby? Who does she want to hold the baby first? Honor her wishes. These are the final parenting decisions she is able to make. The next 18 years are up to you!
  1. Care about her and where she wants her life to go. Ask her about her goals and dreams, her interests. Instead of asking all the questions about the health of the baby (which you will likely learn through medical records, anyway). These are stories you can share with your child. Maybe your son or daughter shows an athletic gift – you will be able to say, “Your birthmother was a big soccer star at her high school!”
  1. Never judge her, and always accept her just as she is. Here is the woman who is going to hand you her baby, trusting you will love this child as your own. The past is the past and can’t be undone. If you really think about it, any one of us could be one event away from being in very similar circumstances.
  1. Be decisive and clear in your responses to her. Don’t leave her hanging in the balance for more than just a few hours at the most. If you need time to discuss things privately or pray over something, be honest, but don’t keep her waiting. She may start to question your commitment to her baby.
  1. Follow through with your commitments. It’s very likely that you are the most stable figures in her life at this time. She is going out on a limb to trust you. If you have promised something, follow through with it. This also extends to after the adoption. Be sure you send her the letters and photos you promised. Show her that she is a valued, important person in your life, and that she is not forgotten.


The Power of Prayer – Blessing Those Who Bless You

Of all the rights of women, the greatest is to be a mother.
— Lin Yutang

The Bible compares motherhood to God’s love for us. Just as a mother loves and nurtures, so does God shower His love on all new believers who are “babes in Christ” (1 Cor. 3:1). If you are considering adoption, I hope you are including God in your adoption plans. While it is important to pray for yourself and your family in preparation of welcoming a new life to love, into your hearts, don’t forget to pray for the birth mother and all other adoption professionals you come into contact with.

Why should you pray for the birth mother? Well, firstly, God is using her to ultimately bless you with motherhood. Secondly, whatever be the circumstances in which the birth mother is giving up her baby in adoption, we know for sure that it is a very painful decision for her. She is doing what Jochebed, the mother of Moses did. Jochebed gave up her son to save him from death at the hands of Pharaoh. It must have been a terrible sight to watch her baby float in a basket on the reeds, not knowing who will find him. Yet, she exercised her faith in God by taking a bold step to save his life. God honored her faith and Moses was picked up by Pharaoh’s own daughter!

There are two important lessons we can learn from Jochebed – she trusted God to save her child and she also used the opportunity she got as a nursing maid to influence Moses’s character. So, what can you do as a prospective parent? You can ask God to strengthen the birth mother to go through the adoption process and pray for her future. God is placing the life of a child into your hands. As a mother, modeling Jochebed, you must impart your faith to your child, preparing the child to serve God in every way.

As a mother, you have the responsibility of influencing your child positively during the formative years. Be committed to making a powerful contribution to the glory of God by raising godly children. When you do that, you are not only honoring God but also the woman who put her child into your hands, trusting you to do what’s right.