“The man or woman who is wholly and joyously surrendered to Christ can’t make a wrong choice—any choice will be the right one.”
-A. W. Tozer
Infertility can have a crushing impact on your life. It can bring everything to a grinding halt and leave us wondering which way to turn. Many times, couples who have been told that a natural conception is impossible, try to rush into assisted reproduction treatments or adoption. When you rush into something like adoption, you risk treating the child you adopt as a substitute for the child you never had biologically. You need to take time to deal with your feelings of frustration and depression, coming to terms with your infertility. If you choose to go the assisted reproduction way, you need to understand that no doctor can guarantee you a 100% success rate.
One way to deal with infertility and the uncertainty over your future is to surrender yourself to God’s will. Imagine a pyramid with God on top and you and your spouse at the two ends of the base. When you both move up towards God in faith, it will not only bring you closer to Him but also bring you closer to each other. The Bible says that God finds us more valuable than the birds of the sky. If He can guide the birds in their migrations, surely He wants to guide you to make the right decision concerning your future as a parent.
Oswald Sanders gives us a beautiful lesson on how to know the will of God – he says he first gathers all the information and facts needed to arrive at a decision and lifts them up to God, praying over them in His presence. He then waits on the Holy Spirit to move his mind in the direction of God’s will! He goes on to believe that God guides him by presenting reasons to his mind to act in a certain way.
If you are struggling to understand God’s will for your future as a parent, I urge you to spend time in prayer seeking His guidance. Be confident that He wants the best for you and is willing to do more than you dare to ask or dream! (Ephesians 3:20)
God moves in a mysterious way,
His wonders to perform.
— William Cowper
It is every woman’s dream to hold her first baby in her arms. There is nothing more painful yet joyful as giving birth to your child. You think you are ready to start a family and imagine everything will happen “just as planned.” After all, isn’t that how it is with all the other women you know? But, after 12 months of ‘trying’, you find out that you are now medically an infertile couple. It is devastating news and one that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy. But, is it the end of the road? Will you never become a mother? Do you feel God has let you down?
I want to encourage you to meditate on those biblical verses that talk about God’s will and plan for His children (Psalm 25:12, Psalm 32:8, Psalm 37:4,7, Proverbs 2:6-9, 1 Cor. 10:13, Isaiah 58:11) God promises that He has plans to bless us and not harm us…plans to give us a hope and a future. There are times when the plans in our head do not match the plans that God has prepared for us. But, if you trust in Him and take that leap of faith, you will be pleasantly surprised at how God was able to work your darkest hour into a bright and sunny day!
Whether you want to try assisted reproduction treatments or want to consider adoption, invite God into the situation. Trust that God, in His wisdom, is trying to make something out of you through this difficult time. Ask Him to guide you towards His divine plan for your parenthood and show you what He wants you to do. If you are considering adoption, take a step back and check if your motives are pure: Do you want to become a parent or do you want a biological child? You cannot adopt a child for selfish reasons i.e., to make you a mother or to fill a void. An adopted child is no different from a biological one. The former is born of your heart while the latter is born of your body! God has prepared a child for you. Be strong and persevere in prayer until He leads you to your child.
Of all the rights of women, the greatest is to be a mother.
— Lin Yutang
The Bible compares motherhood to God’s love for us. Just as a mother loves and nurtures, so does God shower His love on all new believers who are “babes in Christ” (1 Cor. 3:1). If you are considering adoption, I hope you are including God in your adoption plans. While it is important to pray for yourself and your family in preparation of welcoming a new life to love, into your hearts, don’t forget to pray for the birth mother and all other adoption professionals you come into contact with.
Why should you pray for the birth mother? Well, firstly, God is using her to ultimately bless you with motherhood. Secondly, whatever be the circumstances in which the birth mother is giving up her baby in adoption, we know for sure that it is a very painful decision for her. She is doing what Jochebed, the mother of Moses did. Jochebed gave up her son to save him from death at the hands of Pharaoh. It must have been a terrible sight to watch her baby float in a basket on the reeds, not knowing who will find him. Yet, she exercised her faith in God by taking a bold step to save his life. God honored her faith and Moses was picked up by Pharaoh’s own daughter!
There are two important lessons we can learn from Jochebed – she trusted God to save her child and she also used the opportunity she got as a nursing maid to influence Moses’s character. So, what can you do as a prospective parent? You can ask God to strengthen the birth mother to go through the adoption process and pray for her future. God is placing the life of a child into your hands. As a mother, modeling Jochebed, you must impart your faith to your child, preparing the child to serve God in every way.
As a mother, you have the responsibility of influencing your child positively during the formative years. Be committed to making a powerful contribution to the glory of God by raising godly children. When you do that, you are not only honoring God but also the woman who put her child into your hands, trusting you to do what’s right.