Even if you’ve hired the best adoption professional you can find, your home study is complete, you’ve painstakingly created a gorgeous profile, and your suitcase is packed and waiting at the door – you could STILL be overlooking this one powerful component for adoption success:
Show her that you care about her!
Here are six ways to extend yourself to a birthmother and show her that you truly appreciate her:
- Ask her how she is feeling today and if there’s anything you can do to help her feel more comfortable, whether physically, or emotionally. Show her that you are interested in her well being, and it’s not just “all about the baby.” Show her you see her as a unique person, not just the gateway to your soon-to-be child. Even if she doesn’t ask you to do anything for her, at least she knows you offered.
- Take her lead with the hospital plan. Does she want you in the delivery room? Does she seem to be more of a private person? Does she want to take photos together? How does she feel about seeing and holding the baby? Who does she want to hold the baby first? Honor her wishes. These are the final parenting decisions she is able to make. The next 18 years are up to you!
- Care about her and where she wants her life to go. Ask her about her goals and dreams, her interests. Instead of asking all the questions about the health of the baby (which you will likely learn through medical records, anyway). These are stories you can share with your child. Maybe your son or daughter shows an athletic gift – you will be able to say, “Your birthmother was a big soccer star at her high school!”
- Never judge her, and always accept her just as she is. Here is the woman who is going to hand you her baby, trusting you will love this child as your own. The past is the past and can’t be undone. If you really think about it, any one of us could be one event away from being in very similar circumstances.
- Be decisive and clear in your responses to her. Don’t leave her hanging in the balance for more than just a few hours at the most. If you need time to discuss things privately or pray over something, be honest, but don’t keep her waiting. She may start to question your commitment to her baby.
- Follow through with your commitments. It’s very likely that you are the most stable figures in her life at this time. She is going out on a limb to trust you. If you have promised something, follow through with it. This also extends to after the adoption. Be sure you send her the letters and photos you promised. Show her that she is a valued, important person in your life, and that she is not forgotten.
For anyone thinking about building a family through adoption, Lifetime Adoption’s Webinars will feature questions from families in all stages of exploring or pursuing adoption.
By signing up and joining in on Lifetime’s webinars, you will be able to ask your questions and discover answers that will help you decide the next best step toward building your family. Please join us for your opportunity to participate in Lifetime’s most popular resource for families thinking about adopting.
When you register you’ll receive an email with the link or phone number you’ll need to join us live.
You may attend by PHONE or ONLINE from a computer, or your Smart Phone. To attend using your iPhone or Droid download a free webinar app. (Please refer to your personal data plan to find out if charges may apply to attend from your cell phone using this app.)
We’re looking forward to your questions!
Are you searching for a Mother’s Day gift for the adoptive mother on your list? Adoptive mother Mardie Caldwell has designed the Adoption Prayer Bracelet, as a reminder to pray for adoption. After withstanding seven pregnancy losses, Caldwell’s prayers of becoming a mother were answered by the miracle of adoption.
All of our Adoption Prayer Bracelets are tenderly created by hand in the United States with prayer and patience. Every bracelet has a 1″ custom heart-shaped pewter adoption charm which reads “My Adoption Prayer” on one side, and “Pray Without Ceasing” (1 Thes. 5:17) on the other side.
Included with each bracelet is a special bracelet travel bag and prayer card.
An Adoption Prayer Bracelet is an affordable gift; they are a beautiful reminder of the promise of adoption.
Open your heart to adoption with this lovely handmade glass and/or natural gem beaded bracelet. Bracelets come in various vibrant and contemporary colors.
Any and all profit made on sales of our Adoption Prayer Bracelets go to assist the Lifetime Adoption Foundation, a non-profit charity focused solely on the needs in adoption. Visit AdoptionPrayerBracelet.com to view color choices and purchase.
Adoption Prayer, Christian Adoption
For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition which I asked of Him.
Hannah was a woman of prayer and praise. In the Old Testament times, barrenness was considered a big disgrace. Hannah’s situation was worsened by the fact that her husband’s other wife, Peninnah, was able to bear many sons and daughters. Yet, Hannah waited on the Lord and prayed fervently for a child. In time, God began to intervene on her behalf and blessed her with a son. Isn’t it heartening to know that God sees every single tear we shed in hopes of becoming a mother?
Now, we don’t know how long Hannah had to wait for her blessing. But, as women, we do know the pain and frustration she must have felt with every passing month. Today, there are so many online forums discussing infertility issues, where women discuss and dissect every pregnancy symptom, both real and imaginary! Hannah could have just as easily worried herself to death by sharing her pain and suffering with every female relative and friend. But, instead of turning to someone or something, she turned to God in prayer. Every couple battling infertility can learn from Hannah’s example. Don’t run to the phone when your suffering becomes unbearable, but run to the throne of God.
The Bible says that God’s ways are different from ours and His thoughts are not the same as ours. It is God’s plan to bless us with godly offspring. Sometimes, He may choose us to be parents of children who are not biologically ours. But, the call remains the same: to raise children in an atmosphere of love, security, trust, and in knowledge of the abundant grace and love of Jesus Christ. If you believe that God is calling you to adoption, pray for Him to guide you and lead you to the right professionals who can help you with your adoption needs and concerns. Just remember that God has plans to bless you and to give you a hope and a future! (Jeremiah 29:11)
Adoption Prayer, Christian Adoption
O God, You are my God;
Early will I seek You;
My soul thirsts for You;
My flesh longs for You
In a dry and thirsty land
Where there is no water. The New King James Version., Ps 63:1 (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1982)
While every Christian knows that prayer is an important part of one’s relationship with God, how many of us can really mean the words of the Psalmist when we say it aloud? Do we seek God with every fiber of our being, just as we would run to water when we are parched and in a desert? How many of us spend time with God before we let the busyness of our everyday lives consume our thoughts and our time? Prayer should not be the last resort for the believer; it should be the first step. When we are faced with making major, life-altering decisions, why should we rely on our own intelligence when God knows the end from the beginning? The adoption process can be fraught with difficulties and challenges. When you rely on your own material and physical resources, you may end up discouraged and exhausted. But, when you bring God into the equation you can rest assured that He cares about every detail of your life and will work them all out for your good (Romans 8:28).
Adoption is one of the most life-changing decisions a couple can make. For some it can be a natural and spontaneous outpouring of their love and desire to make a difference in a child’s life. For others, it can be the result of infertility and many years of exhausting and traumatic medical treatments gone in vain. Whichever be the case, it is still a very big decision; one where you need to involve God right from the word ‘go’.
Involving God in your adoption plans is the best way to make sure that your plans are in alignment with His will and plan for your future. Praying to God can be compared to the amount of time people spend in National Parks. A survey in 1983 found that the average time spent in all forty-eight parks was a paltry 4 and one-half hours! You cannot expect to experience and enjoy the magnificent scenes of nature within that time frame. You cannot listen and smell nature in all her glory when you run through a national park. Sadly, most Christians run through prayer the same way. While God doesn’t time the length of our prayers, it is our loss when we don’t wait on the Lord, meditate on His Word, soak in His presence, and listen to His still small voice. Spend time with God and surrender your adoption plans to Him. Acknowledge that His ways are not your ways and His thoughts are not the same as yours (Isaiah 55:8-9), but they are far higher than our highest thoughts. Yield to His will and ask God to show you how to make the right decisions to stay in His perfect will.