Adoption FAQ: Is Working with a Christian Adoption Professional Important?

Adoption expertI believe that it is, but sometimes it is not always possible.  For instance, if you are adopting through your state or county, you will be working with governmental entities or government contracts.  Choosing a Christian provider will not usually be possible.

With the dawn of the internet, came the ease with which many organizations are able to offer nationwide adoption help.  That opened up the opportunities for families to have a wider variety of professionals to choose from.

Keep in mind that you will work with many adoption professionals during your adoption.  While their values are important, so too is their adoption experience.  You should ensure that you are working with a professional who has years of experience in the type of adoption you are seeking — don’t choose one based on their faith alone.  Similarly, don’t choose an attorney or home study provider who may offer you a very low price because they are friends of a friend or someone from church.  You need to know that the professional you are entrusting your family to is qualified and experienced to get the job done.

It is always acceptable to state that your family has Christian faith and values, and you are hoping to work with someone who shares that.  It is especially important during the wait to adoption for Christian families.  We know that our wait is often in God’s time, and having an adoption professional who can help and encourage you from the same perspective is invaluable!

I often say that your family is the most important thing you will ever build, yet many people put more thought into a home remodel or vacation plans.  Take the time to get to know who you want to work with. Pray about it. And trust that God will guide you where He would have you be.

 
 

God Expects You to Keep Your Word, Just As You Demand the Same from Him

If a man vow a vow unto the LORD, or swear an oath to bind his soul with a bond; he shall not break his word, he shall do according to all that proceedeth out of his mouth. (Numbers 30:2)

Our God always keeps His word (2 Chr. 21:7) and He takes delight in His people when they keep their word (Proverbs 12:22). When we expect God to stick to His word and never break a promise, isn’t it important, as believers, to model the same in our everyday lives?

Open adoption encourages adoptive families to maintain contact with the birth parents. Traditionally, the adoption process was geared towards the child and the adoptive families and did not take the emotions of the birthparents who give up their children for adoption. Birthmothers in particular had no option to receive any input about the future of her child and was simply expected to ‘move on with her life’ post-adoption. This was not only unfair but it also left the children wondering about their heritage and their past when they had no contact with their biological parents. Open adoption now paves way for uniting both adoptive and biological families in ensuring the emotional security of the child.

If you have opted for an open adoption and vowed to be in regular contact with the birth family, you must keep you word. Your child’s birth family deserves to know about the condition of the child they have given up. It will give them an opportunity to know they did the right thing in giving their child to you and will make them happy to see the child enjoy the life they feared they couldn’t give.

God expects His children to keep their promise, no matter how uncomfortable or unpleasant it could be to do so. If you break your word, it reflects poorly on your integrity and that’s not pleasing to God’s eyes because righteousness and integrity are the two main characteristics of a Christian.

How difficult can it be for you to maintain contact with the birth family? You need not write them letters every single day! A simple card with a photo of the child or a brief note letting them know that they are in your thoughts and prayers will go a long way in establishing a healthy relationship with them. It doesn’t take too much of your time and it will not reduce or somehow alter your role as the child’s parents. In fact, you will earn much love and respect from your child. Your child will live in total security and peace about his life and that’s the most important thing for any parent. It will also be a wonderful and godly example of true Christian love and commitment and will turn out to be a blessing for you. Remember, you are the best role models for your child. When you honor your word and keep a promise, you will find favor not only in the eyes of your child and his or her birth family, but also with God. Don’t miss that opportunity to be a blessing to others!

 
 

Knowledge is Power…Ignorance Can Derail Your Adoption Plans!

adoption knowledgeKnowledge is power. Information is liberating. Education is the premise of progress, in every society, in every family
– Kofi Annan

We’re familiar with the phrase ‘knowledge is power’. Truth be told, while we are familiar with this adage, we often forget to apply it in our everyday lives. This is especially true when it comes to reading and understanding important documents and contracts. We just run through the pages or give a cursory glance at the contents, before signing on the dotted line. Some don’t even do that!

The adoption process can be quite challenging and time-consuming. The prospective parents have only one thing on their mind – to bring their baby home. And that’s perfectly natural. Couples who have gone through unsuccessful assisted reproductive treatments like IUI, IVF, or ICSI suddenly have the hope of bringing home a baby of their own. They are excited and anxious at the same time and their emotions are understandable. But, the adoption process is pretty vigorous. It requires couples to spend time with the agency and the adoption professionals, as well as reading through the adoption contract to understand the terms of the adoption process.

If you have trouble paying attention to anything in print, you may have to take it up with your school! From grade school to college, many students just go through the motions of reading and writing, creating a veritable treasure trove of disinformation: a) In Guinessis, the first book of the Bible, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. B) Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments; he died before he ever reached Canada c) Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock d) History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. e) The pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain. While it may be very funny to read, we can all learn something from this – we must spend time in preparation when we are faced with life-changing decisions and we surely need to pay attention to what we read!

If your adoption is not complete and you have not read your adoption contract yet, I strongly recommend picking it up right now and spending time reading it. Don’t try to read it in between work or when you are mentally occupied with other things. You have to be mentally present when you read the contract. Ensure that both you and your spouse understand the entire terms of the adoption contract. A poorly read contract may cause you a lot of confusion and frustration in your adoption journey. If you have any doubts or questions, get in touch with your adoption professional. It is always better to be safe than sorry!

 
 

Open Adoption – Removing the Insecurities of Your Child

What does the Bible have to say about open adoption?Our children are not ours because they share our genes…
they are ours because we have had the audacity to envision them.
That, at the end of the day…or long sleepless night,
is how love really works.
— Unknown

Are you afraid of open adoption? Do you think it is not only uncomfortable but also unbiblical? Well, I want to share what I found in the Word of God. Before we find instances of open adoption in the Bible, you must understand that adoption is pleasing in God’s sight. There are many examples of Biblical characters encouraging and demonstrating adoption: The adoption of Moses by Pharaoh’s daughter, the adoption of Esther by her relative Mordecai after the death of her parents, and finally, Joseph’s adoption of Jesus as his own child. Apart from these people adopting children who are not biologically theirs, the Bible says we are the children of God through adoption. In fact the New Testament (Gal. 4:3–7; Eph. 1:1–6) describes the believer’s relationship with God through adoption. So, it is very clear that adoption is divinely authorized and has the blessing of God, our Maker.

But, what does the Bible have to say about open adoption? Well, Joseph’s adoption of Jesus is a beautiful example of this process. He welcomed Jesus as his own, even though Jesus was conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit. He recognized him as his own son and have him all legal rights, including the claim to the Davidic family line. When Jesus was 12 years old, he wandered away from his parents during the Passover Feast in Jerusalem, and was found three days later in the temple talking to the teachers. When he was questioned by his mother, he replies, “Why did you seek Me? Did you not know that I must be about My Father’s business?” Now, no adoptive parent would want to hear something like this. We can only imagine how Joseph felt when Jesus calls God as His ‘father’. The Bible indicates that Jesus spent time alone in prayer, communicating with His Father God. Joseph could have allowed himself to get upset about this. But, he did not allow this kind of open communication with Jesus’ heavenly Father to sour his relationship with his adopted son. We read that Jesus was ‘subject’ to his parents as He grew in wisdom and stature (Luke 2:51). So, He enjoyed a close relationship with his earthly parents, while communing with His Father in Heaven.

Can we do the same with an open adoption? Yes, we can. The focus of the adoption process should be the child. Your child’s birth family is very much a part of his or her life, whether you like it or not. An open adoption will remove feelings of insecurity and abandonment in your child that comes from not knowing anything about the birth family or not having any contact with them. It is your responsibility to allow your child to have a healthy communication channel with his or her birth family. If you fear complications from it, allow God to remove those fearful thoughts from your mind. Trust in Him and ask Him for the grace you need to opt for an open adoption.

 
 

God Can Turn Your Mistakes Into Miracles…If You Will Only Let Him!

God's miraclesWhen life knocks you to your knees—well, that’s the best position in which to pray, isn’t it?—Ethel Barrymore

Finding out that your teenage daughter, whom you thought was sexually inactive, is pregnant can be devastating for any parent. But, it is even more shocking when you thought you had raised her in a good family with firm Christian values. While this is an incredibly difficult time, it is also the exact time when you need to turn to God and ask Him to help you handle the situation.

Remember that your daughter is scared right now and needs your unconditional love and forgiveness. She needs her parents to help her make tough decisions concerning her future and the future of the unborn child.

While you may be tempted to give in to your emotions, you can learn how to hold tight to God through this wonderful example. Greg Asimakoupoulos narrates the incident of a pilot called Henry Dempsey. On a flight from Portland to Boston, Dempsey went to the rear of a small aircraft to investigate an unusual noise he had heard. When he reached the tail section, the plane hit an air pocket and Dempsey found out, too late, that the noise was coming from the rear door that wasn’t properly latched. The door flew open and Dempsey was sucked out of the plane. The co-pilot quickly alerted the nearest airport and made an emergency landing. While helicopters searched the ocean for Dempsey, they actually found him clinging on to the outdoor ladder of the aircraft. He had caught the ladder as he fell out and held on to it for 10 minutes as the plane flew 200mph at an altitude of 4,000 feet! Asimakoupoulos says “Things in life may feel turbulent, and you may not feel like holding on. But have you considered the alternative?”
Hold on to God because it is never too late for your daughter to make the right decision – a decision to choose life with a Christian family. www.mydaughterispregnant.com is a wonderful resource for mothers wanting to help their teenage daughters do the right thing.
Excerpt from Robert J. Morgan, Nelson’s Complete Book of Stories, Illustrations, and Quotes, electronic ed., 622 (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2000).

 
 

Open Adoption in the Bible: Removing the Insecurities

Our children are not ours because they share our genes…
they are ours because we have had the audacity to envision them.
That, at the end of the day…or long sleepless night,
is how love really works.
— Unknown

Are you afraid of open adoption? Do you think it is not only uncomfortable but also unbiblical? Well, I want to share what I found in the Word of God. Before we find instances of open adoption in the Bible, you must understand that adoption is pleasing in God’s sight. There are many examples of Biblical characters encouraging and demonstrating adoption: The adoption of Moses by Pharaoh’s daughter, the adoption of Esther by her relative Mordecai after the death of her parents, and finally, Joseph’s adoption of Jesus as his own child. Apart from these people adopting children who are not biologically theirs, the Bible says we are the children of God through adoption. In fact the New Testament (Gal. 4:3–7; Eph. 1:1–6) describes the believer’s relationship with God through adoption. So, it is very clear that adoption is divinely authorized and has the blessing of God, our Maker.

But, what does the Bible have to say about open adoption? Well, Joseph’s adoption of Jesus is a beautiful example of this process. He welcomed Jesus as his own, even though Jesus was conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit. He recognized him as his own son and gave him all legal rights, including the claim to the Davidic family line. When Jesus was 12 years old, he wandered away from his parents during the Passover Feast in Jerusalem, and was found three days later in the temple talking to the teachers. When he was questioned by his mother, he replies, “Why did you seek Me? Did you not know that I must be  about My Father’s business?” (Luke 2:49)

Now, no adoptive parent would want to hear something like this. We can only imagine how Joseph felt when Jesus calls God as His ‘father’. The Bible indicates that Jesus spent time alone in prayer, communicating with His Father God. Joseph could have allowed himself to get upset about this. But, he did not allow this kind of open communication with Jesus’ heavenly Father to sour his relationship with his adopted son. We read that Jesus was ‘subject’ to his parents as He grew in wisdom and stature (Luke 2:51). So, He enjoyed a close relationship with his earthly parents, while communing with His Father in Heaven.

Can we do the same with an open adoption? Yes, we can.

The focus of the adoption process should be the child. Your child’s birth family is very much a part of his or her life, whether you like it or not. What if Joseph and Mary had said to Jesus, “No, you may not tend to your Father’s business until you are 18 years old and an adult. Until that time, you are to have no contact with Him.”  It may seem comical to consider that as we are talking about our Heavenly Father, but the issue of fear is the same.

An open adoption will remove feelings of insecurity and abandonment in your child that comes from not knowing anything about the birth family or not having any contact with them. It is your responsibility to maintain a healthy communication channel with your child’s birth family if you have agreed to that. If you fear complications from it, allow God to remove those fearful thoughts from your mind. Trust in Him and ask Him for the grace you need to opt for an open adoption.